The stench of rhododendrons

Once upon a time . . . ok, nine years ago . . . I was convinced by a guidance counselor to give speeches and try to become local festival royalty to win a scholarship. I somehow was convinced that this wasn't a "pageant" until we had to wear pretty dresses and practice walking. Then I figured it out.

Anyhow, I did that gig . . . got to be "Miss Congeniality" and nothing more. It was a little nuts, considering all the work I had to do. There was a lot of talk about who should have won and why this girl did and who that girl's grandma was . . . it got to be messy enough that the organization of pink coats kicked out the president and their biggest sponsor over possible bribery. Did I want a recount? Did I want to rip the crown from the first rhody queen's great niece's head? Nah. I was busy getting ready for college. It was unfortunate, unfair, and normal small town politics. 8 years later, my cousin Dana tries to be the queen . . . and wins! She is one happy girl and we all take this as a sign that the organization has their act together and this festival may not be doomed to politcal junk forever.

Unfortuately, they are doomed to grasping for free publicity. About a month ago, Dana handed her crown to the new queen after a year of driving, parades, freezing, and loving that silly plastic crown. Early this week the pink coats called to inform her that she was being "dethroned". She isn't even the queen anymore, but they wanted to tell the other girl that Dana was not the queen and she really was. Why? It didn't matter the year I ran to them that much. They're going to make it a big deal with press releases. Dana's so embarassed she wants to homeschool the rest of her senior year. Dramatic girl, but still. Do we have to publicly flog her for someone else's mistake? They call it a counting error. How do you miscount? Did they run out of fingers and toes? Why even bother with this? Why now after it's completely over?

PUBLICITY

The festival is six weeks away. It doesn't draw the amount of tourism the pink coats believe it could. So let's humiliate this girl. If people think we are noble and happen to hear about it, maybe they will think about coming. If people think we are jerks and idiots, they will hear about it for sure and maybe drive out.

Nice.

I think Dana should take it as gracefully as possible. They hate that. It makes them remember they have a conscience. The less stink, the less free publicity. But they are stupid. And now I have good reason to mock them for those horrific magenta blazers, nasty polo shirts, and disgraceful white walking shoes.

I hope it rains on thier parade.